It is still rough...

Yesterday I started my first full-time semester in college. I was nervous since I had gotten my associates degree online.  I wasn't sure if I was ready, especially with still grieving and crying practically every day.  I thought it would help keep my mind off of things, but nope.  I had signed up for institute with my favorite instructor and as soon as we started to sing the hymn I started crying.  I sat in the back so no one noticed and I was able to keep the tears from continuing to flow for the rest of the hour, but after class I sat down with my instructor and told him what was going on and bursted into tears.  I was really embarrased.  I really hate crying in front of people.  I don't know why I thought the darkness I was in would suddenly disappear because I was busy with school.  I didn't realize that dealing with infertility you have to take it one hour at a time.  There are moments when I am fine and sometimes even filled with some hope, but then somehow a darkness creeps in and brings me down.  At this point I am so sick of being sad.  I am sick of one moment being fine and the next being a mess.  It's embarassing.  It's draining.  Every one says things will get better as time passes.  So far it hasn't happened.