**Editor’s note: I wrote this post June 20,2011, but for some unknown reason it was in my draft folders.  Silly me I must have left my brain somewhere else this past summer.  Anyway, after re-reading it I decided I should hit publish.**

Excuse my hiatus

It’s me again.  

Yes, I am still alive.  

I know I have been quiet, but I needed some time to think.  

And that’s exactly what I did. 

I have been trying to find myself again; trying to find what it really means to lose the dream of being a Mother in my prior definition of motherhood. 

I have been trying to accept the things which I cannot control.

I have been trying to wipe away the thoughts of wondering what it would be like right now if I was still pregnant.  I would be almost 8 months along…

I am still dealing with all the stages of grief.  I wish I could say that time has helped, but what I did not know was that school was a REALLY good distraction and now that I am out, the sadness has increased.

The anger, the guilt, the blame, the sadness…still there.  Not everyday, but enough to know life is unfair and I wish I wasn’t going through this.

But on my journey to find peace, I know one thing for sure and that God hasn’t left me.  

He is still by my side.  He has a plan for me.  And that plan gives me HOPE. 

He has a plan for you, too.

 I know everyone has their trials and some days it is rough, but we’ll get through it.