Infertility Steps

One thing I have learned about infertility so far is that you literally have to take it one hour at a time. 

Today was a good example of that.  I had a good morning and afternoon, despite shelling out a gazillon dollars to fix our car.  I have been feeling a little more normal this week.  But then this evening as I was looking over my calendar I realized that tomorrow I have an OB/GYN appointment to follow up on my surgery, discuss endometriosis, talk about birth control, talk about infertility, etc….. 

Then that stupid sharp pain in my heart came again, so I quickly got busy and I was okay, but then I ran errands.  In the car I found myself with tears falling down my face.  Oh those ugly wet things, I wish they would go away!  And once I got to the store, I pulled myself together and went in and pretended to be okay. 

Inside the store (Target), I walked past the little girl’s clothing department, and normally, I would smile and say, “Oh how cute!” but this time I fought back tears and walked like a zombie through the store, not knowing why the heck I was even there.   

Oh yeah, I had to buy feminine napkins.  That’s why I was there.  And as I was standing there trying to figure out the coupons for it, I got pissed that I even had to buy them.  I am supposed to be pregnant right now, gosh darn it!  I shouldn’t need these for 6 more months!

Then the BIG hurt.  The pregnancy tests are on the same aisle as the feminine napkins and I longingly looked down the aisle at them and I see a couple approach, obviously very excited.  They looked for a minute, grabbed a pregnancy test, and walked away smiling. Sign.

I know.  This is a depressing post.  Sorry, but I know I am not the only one. 

And I feel a lot better now that it is written. 

Okay, that’s it, I’m out.