There are only a few times in my life that I have felt the Spirit so strongly. One vivid account was when I was told that we needed to move to Cambodia. I still have no idea why that was.
As far as adoption goes, I have always felt we needed to adopt. I just didn’t know that we would have to adopt.
But, nevertheless, I have felt the Spirit so strongly tell me throughout my life that adoption was part of our plan and again, shortly after having surgery and being told we couldn’t have children.
I am overwhelmed with emotion each time I think of the day that our child’s birthparents choose us; acknowledging that we are indeed the child’s parent’s.
I am overwhelmed to know that there will be a beautifully long emotional, painful, and joyful story that will come with finding our child.
I am overwhelmed to think that our child may already be waiting for us and we don’t know it.
Or maybe he or she is still waiting in heaven.
I am overwhelmed to know that someone’s excruciating pain will be my dream true.
I am overcomed with emotion to think of the day when my husband and I will go to the temple, in all of its sacredness and beauty, to bring our child there to be sealed to us for all time and eternity.
I am so anxious for us to meet the rest of our family.
So why then is he telling me to wait?
He says,
“My child, I have given you the answers of what you must do. It is not time yet.
You must wait.”
To which I say,
“But Heavenly Father, we have waited for sooooooo long. We’ve been married for 6 ½ years and we have been making plans about starting our family, even before we were married. We’ve dreamt of this day. We tried for so long. Months of months of negative pregnancy tests, to finally get a positive (!), only to have it bring upon devastation. We so desperately want to start our family. We want to fill that gap that has been missing in our family for what seems like it has been there for longer than I can bear. We want to move towards completing our family.”
He responds,
“You are a child of God. And as child on Earth, you simply cannot understand everything I know, which includes my timing. Like a child you will not be able to understand why things must be done this way. It wouldn’t make sense and it may not even be fully revealed to you until you return back to me. Have faith in knowing I have a plan for you. Wait.”
Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.
-Unknown
So I am waiting.
And waiting.
